Emotional Intelligence as the Precursor to Gratitude
As I return to the format that contains the meat of Our Abundant Family, I feel pressed to share something with you that I’ve learned is SO integral to cultivating gratitude within our family structure. As a forty something, I remember the days when it was unheard of for a parent to really teach their children about the sticky landscape of our emotions. The tactic was usually more geared towards silencing the emotion, or in corralling it into a certain judgment category. The judgment was different based on gender, but indiscriminate in its ignorance. Societal influence dictated which emotions should be more harshly judged, and we tend to carry on with customary beliefs without realizing any consequences.
Truth is: things haven’t changed so much in the present day, for most families. Our society has no structure for it. It is only those who have had the rare upbringing where the emotional landscape was rich and open and connected, who will unconsciously pass that on to their own children. The rest of us have to consciously work at it all the time. To do that becomes difficult when emotions have been denied, unconfronted, or have a pattern of being expressed in a negative way, but sometimes the alternative to working through them is a situation that forces your hand. Sometimes, it’s only when a child is put into therapy for his lack of emotional understanding, and the subsequent psychological proof - that he receives any mentorship in this area. Yet it is the single most important precursor to the ability to feel grateful, and we have the ability to activate it within them.
It begins here, in choosing to consciously craft your child’s experience toward a true appreciation for life. In taking the plunge as an active mentor in this way, your child will develop a mind of his own, unhindered by the sense that his own emotions are foreign to him and therefore in control. When a child knows the terrain of his own emotional landscape, it becomes easier for his to grasp the more complex spiritual aspects in life, which is where dynamic appreciation stems. He can then learn to use those emotions in the most positive and productive fashion.
Not only that, but emotionally intelligent children grow to be profoundly more successful adults in every area of life…so the experts say:
The term "emotional intelligence" has only gained its momentum since the early 1990s with the commencement of several scientific articles written by John D. Mayer and Peter Salovey. These researchers defined emotional intelligence as the compilation of four kinds of skills: perceiving and expressing emotions, understanding emotions, using emotions, and managing emotions. Emotional intelligence has since gained the reputability of being a distinct form of intelligence, separate from academia’s definition. Noted psychologists all around the world have validated the importance of emotional intelligence in terms of leadership qualities and the ability to form original, creative thought.
According to one of those experts, Robert Sternberg; social and emotional abilities are four times more important than IQ in determining success. The consensus is that certain abilities are cultivated through this high EI quotient including but not limited to: empathy, intuition, creativity, flexibility, resilience, stress management, leadership, integrity, authenticity, intrapersonal skills and interpersonal skills. The components of emotional intelligence are "simple, yet powerful enough to effect change.
Considering the work of Goleman and Darwin, it is those emotionally intelligent individuals who are most able to adapt to dynamic environments and therefore most likely to survive and succeed. These individuals are often those that are most able to maintain a steady flow of positive energy extended through the guided expression of emotion. The question then remains, how do we utilize this knowledge about the power of emotional intelligence, to affect our families in a positive way?
We can start by thinning the veil between them and our emotional state by opening up a line of communication with them that serves that purpose. We can use every opportunity where an emotional response is displayed to develop a deeper understanding in our children. This not only achieves greater levels of EI within their developing psyches, but it serves us as well by forcing us to look more closely at our own emotional response to things. It is also hugely beneficial for us to learn and use their unique emotional language to help them understand their own reactions. This will change and evolve as they grow.
Kids are amazingly receptive to new ideas, and this is a practice we can begin as soon as they comprehend language. As time goes on, they will require less and less protection from a heated argument or an unpleasant emotional experience which will allow for more complex teaching. As long as they feel and are protected and you use any given incident as an opportunity to explore the lesson in it, it only serves the bigger picture.
The amazing thing about building and growing emotionally intelligent kids is that soon they begin to display the attributes. You start to see random displays of kindness and hear them speak in a way that shows you their level of understanding. Now you have fertile ground to further instill an attitude of gratitude, which of course, is the door to true contentment and happiness. I don’t know about you – but I believe this is the ultimate gift we can offer our families, and the highest representation of unconditional love humans share. Hope you’ll give it a try…
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