You Can't Take the B.E. Out Of aBundancE.

You don’t have to be a Zen master to realize that there is power in just being in the moment - yet so many of us go day to day without ever standing outside ourselves and looking in on our lives.   It’s so easy to continue on day to day, trudging through work, following blind the daily schedules and  to-do lists. Now I’m not saying that’s a bad thing.  Things need to be done.  The more efficient we are, the more efficiently the machine of our lives operates.  And that is the whole point, right?    The more things we can check off our list, the more satisfied with ourselves and with life we are.  The problem is: external appearances rule our reality, and material pleasure drives our desire.  Over time and the heightened need to consume more and more, we begin to exchange the true identity that hides behind the external mask for perceived physical gratification.  It takes more and more to make us feel filled up.  We are constantly reaching for more or struggling to hold on to what we have.  In the process, we forget that there is a whole internal microcosm that has no check list.  We sometimes neglect even taking the inventory.  This makes the simple act of being in the moment increasingly more difficult.    But how does being in the moment relate to living in abundance?    Directly and intrinsically.   It’s the access point to all feelings of true abundance. Now I’m not the kind of person who’s going to go all guru on you and start telling you to adopt meditation, or build a rock garden, or join a cult that resembles the sixties and it’s free love mentality – but I will say that until you are able to connect with what lays bare underneath it all, you will miss the opportunity to use that personal power to feel and share a true sense of contentment with those you love.   I have directly experienced the power in taking the time to just be, and it’s exponential.  It compounds with interest even.  Over time, it infuses life with a higher threshold for joy and appreciation.  It’s where our personal power lives.    Of course, there are hurdles to overcome before we give ourselves the permission to direct the focus inward. How does one find the time to stop everything and just sit with themselves?  Our minds, hyperactive in the frenetic pace we are required to live at in our day to day lives, dismiss this practice as well - impractical.  The misconception is that it’s this arduous thing to clear the mind of all the responsibility and stress each day brings.  It has to be a production, or you have to buy into the spiritual belief behind it, or we even go as far as to believe that meditation is for those who have too much time on their hands – and if one has that kind of time, they’re surely not part of our ilk.    In fact, that’s not the case at all.    You don’t have to cling to one belief system, set aside time, or project your personal power onto another person or entity to just be.  It is far simpler than that.  Something I call being in the sacred mundane. By that I mean those tasks we have to chunk through to keep life moving; those mindless machinations that we drudge through day after day.  Think of all the times you may be going along with your routine that are moments you can steal for yourself.    You can use this time to focus your mind on nothing but your surroundings.  Pay attention to what your body is feeling.  Smell the smells, notice the landscape just outside your window; the way the light falls and dapples in the trees, the cars rushing by and the faces inside. How do they look in their haste and hurried and harried anxiety?    Indulge in the time you spend driving to work.  Turn the radio off and just feel the silence against your ears. Totally engage with washing the dishes; the way the suds roll around your fingers, as if a child again playing in the bubbles. Feel the softness and warmth when folding the clothes; the deliciousness of not needing to do anything else at that moment.    Close your eyes as your lunch dances around your palette and fills your mouth with goodness, and breathe in the way the smell of your morning coffee fills the air with delicious anticipation. All of these seemingly trite observations lend more meaning to our lives and teach a sense of reverence for life and in the living it. In effect, we awaken the and retrain them to experience the world as we once did before our pursuit for the world and all its shiny things took over. It’s time to celebrate it all and throw the past and the present into the great void that it is.  It’s time to stop wasting the moment that is here right now, by actually connecting with it in a way that will lend strength and clarity to the ones to follow.    In our instinct to survive we spend our time trying to smooth out the tide and trying to numb the crashes, but life, by its very nature is ebb and flow.  Seems the longer we live and the more we have thrown ourselves at the mercy of life’s turbulence, the easier it becomes to ride the waves.  It becomes less of a process of conquering or surviving and more about taking advantage of each vantage point, remaining relaxed and becoming fluid through both the ebb and the flow.    Truth is, most of us we spend so much time in the survive and conquer mode, we miss the chance to feel our connectedness to the process itself.  Just as the tides have their ebb and flow, the seasons too have a rhythm that beats on the door of our sterile and anesthetic world.  It is no longer part of our mainstream tradition to rejoice over a plentiful harvest, or celebrate the return of spring in a deliberate way.  We have been removed from the natural process – from our source.    We have forgotten the seasons and our ties to the earth, as if somehow in our evolution we have been able to separate ourselves from that which we came.  The tribal dance of our ancestors and the customs that lay deep rooted in all of us have been abandoned. To begin to tap into that simple and profound part of our human history, we start by getting connected with the sacred mundane and all the pleasure that comes from simply noticing the full view of what our senses our experiencing.   Once we are able to do this we can access the very real prospect that, in fact; our lives are already full of abundance.  After all, our senses don’t lie.

The Best Gift You Can Give Your Child - EVER!!

Emotional Intelligence as the Precursor to Gratitude

As I return to the format that contains the meat of Our Abundant Family, I feel pressed to share something with you that I’ve learned is SO integral to cultivating gratitude within our family structure.  As a forty something, I remember the days when it was unheard of for a parent to really teach their children about the sticky landscape of our emotions.   The tactic was usually more geared towards silencing the emotion, or in corralling it into a certain judgment category.   The judgment was different based on gender, but indiscriminate in its ignorance. Societal influence dictated which emotions should be more harshly judged, and we tend to carry on with customary beliefs without realizing any consequences.

Truth is: things haven’t changed so much in the present day, for most families. Our society has no structure for it. It is only those who have had the rare upbringing where the emotional landscape was rich and open and connected, who will unconsciously pass that on to their own children.  The rest of us have to consciously work at it all the time.  To do that becomes difficult when emotions have been denied, unconfronted, or have a pattern of being expressed in a negative way, but sometimes the alternative to working through them is a situation that forces your hand. Sometimes, it’s only when a child is put into therapy for his lack of emotional understanding, and the subsequent psychological proof - that he receives any mentorship in this area.  Yet it is the single most important precursor to the ability to feel grateful, and we have the ability to activate it within them. 

It begins here, in choosing to consciously craft your child’s experience toward a true appreciation for life.  In taking the plunge as an active mentor in this way,  your child  will develop a mind of his own, unhindered by the sense that his own emotions are foreign to him and therefore in control. When a child knows the terrain of his own emotional landscape, it becomes easier for his to grasp the more complex spiritual aspects in life, which is where dynamic appreciation stems.  He can then learn to use those emotions in the most positive and productive fashion. 

Not only that, but emotionally intelligent children grow to be profoundly more successful adults in every area of life…so the experts say:

The term "emotional intelligence" has only gained its momentum since the early 1990s with the commencement of several scientific articles written by John D. Mayer and Peter Salovey.   These researchers defined emotional intelligence as the compilation of four kinds of skills: perceiving and expressing emotions, understanding emotions, using emotions, and managing emotions.  Emotional intelligence has since gained the reputability of being a distinct form of intelligence, separate from academia’s definition. Noted psychologists all around the world have validated the importance of emotional intelligence in terms of leadership qualities and the ability to form original, creative thought. 

 

According to one of those experts, Robert Sternberg; social and emotional abilities are four times more important than IQ in determining success. The consensus is that certain abilities are cultivated through this high EI quotient including but not limited to:  empathy, intuition, creativity, flexibility, resilience, stress management, leadership, integrity, authenticity, intrapersonal skills and interpersonal skills.  The components of emotional intelligence are "simple, yet powerful enough to effect change.

Considering the work of Goleman and Darwin, it is those emotionally intelligent individuals who are most able to adapt to dynamic environments and therefore most likely to survive and succeed.  These individuals are often those that are most able to maintain a steady flow of positive energy extended through the guided expression of emotion.  The question then remains, how do we utilize this knowledge about the power of emotional intelligence, to affect our families in a positive way?  

We can start by thinning the veil between them and our emotional state by opening up a line of communication with them that serves that purpose. We can use every opportunity where an emotional response is displayed to develop a deeper understanding in our children.  This not only achieves greater levels of EI within their developing psyches, but it serves us as well by forcing us to look more closely at our own emotional response to things.  It is also hugely beneficial for us to learn and use their unique emotional language to help them understand their own reactions.  This will change and evolve as they grow.

Kids are amazingly receptive to new ideas, and this is a practice we can begin as soon as they comprehend language.  As time goes on, they will require less and less protection from a heated argument or an unpleasant emotional experience which will allow for more complex teaching. As long as they feel and are protected and you use any given incident as an opportunity to explore the lesson in it, it only serves the bigger picture.

The amazing thing about building and growing emotionally intelligent kids is that soon they begin to display the attributes.  You start to see random displays of kindness and hear them speak in a way that shows you their level of understanding.  Now you have fertile ground to further instill an attitude of gratitude, which of course, is the door to true contentment and happiness.  I don’t know about you – but I believe this is the ultimate gift we can offer our families, and the highest representation of unconditional love humans share.  Hope you’ll give it a try…

The Top Ten Simplest Ways to Save Money in Todays Economy

Top Ten Simplest Ways to Save Money in Today’s Economy

Living in these challenging economical times is bound to put a strain not only on finances, but on the faces of our loved ones.   A good many of us have had to cut back on doing the things that we love.  Whether it’s taking the family out to a restaurant, or buying that expensive toy or gadget to put a smile on a child’s face – the average American family has had to either omit some of these things altogether, or find a way to cut corners to afford them.

As a single mom, learning how to be financially resourceful has been the key to my survival.   Below is a list of the top ten simplest and most effective ways I’ve learned to help ease the burden of living in these financially challenging times.  I’ll be including links to personally tested and resourceful sites to offer you the most possible value for your time.

1.       Recycle, recycle and recycle!   We all know how recycling an act of the environmentally responsible and we know we should all engage in this activity.  Our landfills are teeming with materials that can be reused.  The truth is, some of us still aren’t doing it for one reason or another.    We use over 80,000,000,000 aluminum soda cans every year in the United Stated alone.   That’s forty million dollars that could be put back into our pockets.   We spend about $1 dollar to every $11 on packaging alone when we purchase products, so if you’re NOT recycling and redeeming every nickel, shame on us!

2.       Coupons!  Did you know you can save hundreds of dollars every month just by finding and using coupons?  There are coupons for just about everything you can think of, and even more so in this economy.  Businesses want to encourage consumers any way they can to continue to purchase from them.  Sometimes these coupons are harder to find than they should be, but this is the BEST site I’ve found toward than end.   It’s also a site that I’m personally a member of and not only am I saving money, but I’m making some real residual income by just spreading the good news.  Check it out, you won’t be sorry!  SO many coupons to choose from; from car maintenance, to hotels, to local restaurants like Papa Johns, Subway, and Dunkin Donuts.  You can also earn from 2%-20% back on purchases made online from stores like Macy’s and Target.  Also tons of grocery coupons that you can print and use at your local grocery store.  http://moneysavin.myworldmovie.com/movieForm?SOURCE=MAB    One whopper of a good way to save money!   They let you check the site out for free and give you a temporary position in the event that you decide to join.

3.       Barter for services.  We all have an occupation or a specific skill that is useful to another who may not possess it.  For instance, you may be an excellent home organizer or cleaner, or maybe you have your hairdressing license but don’t actively use it, or maybe you’re a good writer.  Why not barter for services like child care or dog grooming?  Shift your mindset toward using your own unique skills and what you may have to offer a given situation that involves spending money.  Establishing a friendly rapport with local vendors and service providers opens the door for some great money saving collaboration!

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4.      Become a frugal cook!   There are slews of resources for those that want to save on their monthly grocery bills.   Try http://www.hillbillyhousewife.com/recipeindex.htm for instance.   Utilizing these recipes could save you some decent money at the checkout, and every little bit helps.  Also, make sure to take the time to write a list and anticipate supply ahead of time.  Those extra trips back to the grocery store are not only time consuming, but gas sucking as well!

5.       Carpool, use public transportation, or take your bike!   This one is a no brainer, but still, you have to actually try this to benefit from it.  Do you drive your child to and from school every day?   What if you could alternative days with another trusted parent or two?   What about your place of employment?   Chances are there are people you work with that would love to be part of a carpool to save money on the exorbitant gas prices.

6.      Deal in Junk!   Have you ever been driving through an affluent neighborhood only to see perfectly good furniture and other items being thrown out?  Don’t be ashamed to stop your car and re-use these things!  Think of it as a contribution to Mother Earth and the heavy load she bears with all these perfectly useful things being thrown away.  Also, when you need new tires or parts for your car, deal in JUNK!   Most junk yards allow you to purchase tires from junked cars that are in perfectly fine condition, as well as salvage parts for the repairs needed on your car.  This can save you hundreds a year, and no one will be the wiser!

7.      Be house smart!  There are so many ways to save money on your household bills, including earning tax credits for your energy efficient home.  For some awesome ideas, check this site out.  http://blog.reviewlico.us/  

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      Strip it down!   There are so many items that we hold onto year after year that aren’t being used.  Whether it is an old exercise machine that hasn’t been touched in eons, or tenderly used clothes, toys, or shoes that are children have grown out of.  These otherwise useless items can be sold on craigslist, or you can organize a neighborhood yard sale, or put those things that apply on consignment.   It’s a great way to collect money on this stuff that we no longer need or use.

9.       Create a passive income stream.  Do you have a passion or special experience that other people might benefit from?  Why not write an e-book?  It’s very simple to do and there are a bundle of free resources for regular folks like us.  Whether you’re the mom of a child with A.D.D. who has discovered different ways of managing your child’s behavior through dietary changes, or a particular disciplinary method….or an entrepreneur who has stumbled across an innovative way to start an online business, e-books are all the rage!  Every one has some kind of experience unique to them, and so an e-book is just waiting there to be written!  The best part about creating and selling an e-book, is that you create it once and can be purchased again and again without any overhead at all!  Here is a wonderful site offering simple instruction on how to do just that.  http://www.frugalmom.net/blog/2010/07/3-free-books-on-writing-ebooks/

10.  Become a savvy negotiator!   There are so many folks out there struggling to pay there credit card and household bills.   If you find yourself overwhelmed and slowly sinking, more often than not, most companies will agree to a payment plan.  This is especially true with utility companies. What about those insane finance charges and interest rates you’ve been paying on for years, even if a credit line is no longer active?  Did you know that you can obtain a free credit report every year, and if the debt is old enough, you can contest it?   Some may be uncomfortable with this from a moral perspective, but if you contest the debt it will most likely be dismissed.  See, the representative responsible for looking into the issue will have to go back years in the files to ascertain the details of the account.  Credit card companies have a deadline of three months to respond to the objection, and more often than not, it get’s overlooked.  An excellent way to free you from the burden of paying back thousands of debt that is a result of years of interest and finance charges!   Here’s a site where you can obtain a copy of your credit report for free, once a year.  No strings attached!  https://www.annualcreditreport.com/cra/index.jsp

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